Powered by Blogger.

If I can commit to running, I can commit time to this.

When I was a child, I would sit at my typewriter and write. My uncle gifted me a word processor, and I wrote stories on that. My imagination buzzing with make believe. As I grew in to my teens that kinda stopped.
After I left school, I remember going out to buy a computer. I was so excited to start writing stories again. But it dwindled when I turned eighteen and I was legally allowed to get drunk. I had my priorities in perfect order. 
But, it didn't really matter. I was never going to write a good book or get published, was it really that important if I dedicated time to it? No.
It wasn't until I was twenty five that I decided to sit and write a novel. I remember sitting on the couch, in my PJ's, laptop... on my lap. I had my Supernatural DVD on, and I made the most of some alone time before the 2 men in my life woke up, (my then boyf and the dog).
I dedicated all my time to it, when I wasn't working, reading or sleeping. It was my dream and for once I was working my ass off for it.
In 2013, I self-published said book. It wasn't perfect, but I was damn proud of it.
That's when I put pressure on myself to write, and I became careless. I didn't see said boyf and we broke up. I had started a downward spiral.
I thought that all the extra time I had, now I had no house to run, could be writing time. For a few months, it was. I continued to read and write like there was no tomorrow.

But then one night, I'd finished a book and decided to write my review while it was fresh. After completing the task I turned off the laptop and with only my desk light as illumination, I caught sight of my reflection in the screen of my laptop.
I didn't recognise her anymore. That vibrant, happy person I once was, had vanished. It was then I tried to dedicate as much time as possible to making me a better person. Someone I was proud of and loved. Once I had that in place, I could concentrate on writing again. I also had a tantrum and deleted all my work from every platform known to man.

Five years later, I'm just mastering the art of self-love. If you want to see more of that, you can on my other blog.I've been trying desperately to get in the right frame of mind to write. But, I've not been sleeping well AT ALL and whereas I could be writing in the early hours, I'm doing everything to get to sleep.

Last night, things changed though. I got in bed while it was still light and dusted off my Kindle. It hasn't been used in months and you know what, I loved getting in bed and reading. Something I haven't been doing. Reading certainly helped my writers cogs - as they say it does. And, to help me sleep - because I was sick of seeing 3am, I downed a small bottle of wine while reading.

It worked a treat. Was asleep before 10pm and got up at 5:30am to go to the gym. Completely unheard of! It reminded me of the saying, "Write drunk, edit sober." I'm not a drinker unless I go out with the girls which is at most, 3 times a year. I have wine all over the house and if it helps me sleep I'm all for it.

So I came up with the plan to get in to bed, 8:30pm every night and read for a little while. It helps to relax and remind myself not to rush and cram when writing. When I'm ready to write, grab my laptop, write and sip my wine. Honestly wine is always my night out pre-drink because it goes to my head. Prefect night time routine, right?

As I wrote this post I checked my horoscope and it was eerily, what I wanted to hear. 

"It's possible that a plan or aspiration that got sidelined or shelved in the past can be revived. Perhaps, you feel more confident and knowledgeable regarding steps you can take to make progress that you were unaware of or were unable to take previously. You could also discover that you have support from others in ways that you didn't last time. It's worth responding to the call to pick up where you left off. Lightning really can strike twice."

I have a dream.I've completed that dream once.It really is time I dedicate as much time to that, as I do running and blogging and everything else that I class as a hobby. I know I need to care for myself, but I also need to follow my heart.

Today, that all changes. Unless I get in bed and conk out instantly, which would be sods law.

No comments

About Caroline


 ** Info Coming Soon **

Stop calling it a dream, call it reality.